Mother of the Groom Do’s and Dont’s

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Over the past two or three decades, you were surely the best mother to your son, making him his favorite soup whenever he was sick, driving him to softball practice or soccer game, and listening to him the first time he had his heart broken. And being his mom doesn’t have to stop just because he’s getting married now.

The Key

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Being the best mother of the groom – and mother in law – has a lot to do with boundaries, both on the wedding day and when it comes to your son’s family life. Being supportive and respectful of your son’s new family is important.

Be more sensitive and show your love and affection in ways that is accepted by the recipient. For example, if your son’s bride

It also has to do with showing your love and support in ways that register with the recipient. If the bride-to-be keeps to herself and seems uncomfortable with your hugs, back off a bit and show your warmth in other ways, at least until she feels more comfortable.

Do’s and Dont’s for the Mother of the Groom

Here are some do’s and don’ts for you:

Do’s

  • Be there for him. Show your support to your son as he enters this new chapter in his life. Respect his choices – and that includes who he is marrying. Offer marriage advice when needed – the operative word there is “advice”. You can also give him something special for his wedding present.
  • Be there for his wife to be. Try your best to get along with your new daughter in law. Whether or not you approve of her, this is the woman that your son is marrying and she will soon be part of your family, and will bear your grandchildren. This is the best gift you can give your son and his wife. Offer to help with the wedding planning, but remember to keep your opinion only second to hers. It is her wedding, after all. Introduce her to family and friends, give her compliments and encourage her. Choose something special to give her on her wedding day.
  • Communicate. Talk to your son and his bride about boundaries. Remember that the wedding is just the beginning of your relationship together as a family. Talk to them throughout the wedding planning, and get clarifications on seating arrangements, dresses and even expenses. If the time is appropriate, also ask about future plans. Perhaps you are expecting them to live close by or you want to have a grandchild very soon.
  • Choose an appropriate dress. Generally, blend in with the rest of the wedding party, in styles and colors that do not necessarily match but compliment. Wear something comfortable too. Be sure to check in with the bride and her mother before buying anything.

Dont’s

  • Don’t wear white. Or ivory, cream, off white. This is the bride’s color. Let her be the only one wearing white on her day.
  • Don’t dress like the bridesmaids. You want to blend in, but do not want to look like a maid of honor.
  • Don’t wear screaming colors, like red or black, or revealing clothes.
  • Don’t skip the bridal shower. Attend the party and bring an appropriate gift for the bride.
  • Don’t upstage the mother of the bride, the bride or anyone at the wedding. This day is not just about you. Don’t make a scene or anything that people will talk about negatively.
  • Don’t be overly critical. The bride and groom may choose things that your don’t necessarily approve of, but that is okay. They want their wedding to be perfect in their own style.
  • Don’t obsess. Here’s a fact: in 2013, more than 70,000 people searched the world wide web monthly using the keywords “mother of the groom dresses” (or a variation of it). You want to look your very best, but you’re old enough to know that nothing much comes out of obsessing over an outfit. Whatever you decide to wear, don’t forget to enjoy the moment – the shopping, the planning and of course, the big day!

Be comfortable! That is the best way to enjoy the day with your son and new daughter in law. After all is said and done, all you will have are the memories of that day.

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