Mother of the Bride Do’s and Don’ts

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The days leading up to your daughter or son’s wedding can be very exciting – and stressful.  The peak of the business can often bring out emotions that lead to misunderstandings.

Excitement, stress and emotions = Wedding


Surely, your daughter’s wedding day will be one of your proudest. You are probably almost as giddy and excited as your daughter – and you have every right to be! There is no question that you only want your daughter to look her best, and you want the day to be perfect. But while you know that you only have good intentions here, there is no denying that both mothers – the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom – can get a little too involved, too excited or might say things that can be offensive or hurtful in the midst of an emotional exchange.

Here are some tips to take into consideration to avoid crossing that line.

Mother of the bride Do’s and Don’ts

  • DO talk to the ‘other mother’ about your dresses for the big day. If you are the bride’s mother, try and make the first move here. The mother of the groom might still be hesitant to ask, as it is typically customary to let the mother of the bride choose her dress first. If you can, go shopping together so you can choose the designs and colors alongside the other person’s dress.
  • DON’T try to change any details on the big day, unless you were very much involved in the planning. There are hired professionals who are making sure that the schedule is followed and the decorations are in place as pre- approved by the bride.
  • DO wear something you are comfortable in and appropriate. Pick a dress with the proper length that doesn’t show too much skin. If the wedding will be done outdoors, choose a fabric that is light with easy colors.  Stay away from white, ivory, champagne, or other similar colors, as well as black and red.
  • DON’T get drunk at the wedding and other pre- wedding day events. The last thing the your child and future in law needs is to have to worry about you getting home, and the embarrassment of what you might do when you’ve had a little too much too drink.
  • DO behave like an adult. Resist the urge to jump into the pool with the bridesmaids or flirt with a waiter. You are a parent, so do not do anything that will embarrass you child.
  • DON’T express displeasure about your new son (or daughter) in law, whether or not you like them. Don’t talk negatively about them to wedding guests or even your sister or your best friend. There are lots of people around you who will overhear what you’re saying and will repeat it to someone else. That’s how gossip starts. Most importantly do not say negative things about your new son or daughter in law if or when you give your toast.

Although you know that you mean well, just always remember that this is your daughter’s big day and what you want may not always be what she wants. What will make her happiest is to have her wedding day the way she wants it to be, and you have to respect that. Offer support and help when you can, but remember to watch out for your boundaries. After all, this is the beginning of your ‘extended’ and bigger family and you want to start everything right.

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