Wedding Etiquette for Parents - Who Pays For What ?

So, your child is getting married ?

After the joy & excitment of your daughter or sons engagement, you'll soon find yourself asking just how much it's likely to cost you!

Of course, much has changed in the years since you got married, and although many of the traditions remain, it can be harder to clarify just whose responsibility it is to pay for everything from the hire car and photographer to the wedding reception and the drinks.

Wedding Traditions

For many years, it was traditional for the bride's parents to pay and organize pretty much all aspects of the wedding day and the preparations.

However, increasingly both sets of parents offer to help financially, due to the considerable costs involved in planning your special day.

For young couples, this can be a great help and relief, rather than bearing the costs themselves. Some couples prefer to pay for everything themselves, not asking mom or dad to contribute much financially.

Planning The Wedding Budget

With few guidelines to help you - here's a guide to who traditionally paid for what - that may at least serve as a starting point for discussions about just what your contribution as parents is going to be.

You can find a more comprehensive list of what to budget for by clicking the link.

Parents of the Bride

Traditionally pay for :-

• wedding invitations
• the brides wedding gown, veil, shoes & accessories
• wedding car or transport
• the reception or wedding breakfast, including the venue, food & drink and cake
• wedding flowers, including floral arrangements for the church and reception

The Groom

Traditionally pays for:-

• the rings (engagement & wedding band)
• wedding flowers, including bridal bouquet, buttonholes & corsages
• church fees
• gifts for best men, bridesmaids and ushers
• and, of course, the honeymoon

The only cost the bride would usually have expected to pay is to buy her future husband his wedding ring and a wedding day gift for the groom.

Planning Who Will Pay For What

With this as a basis, it's a good start if both sets of parents have an opportunity to meet (try and do this soon after the engagement). 

Once the future "Mr & Mrs"  have started to work out their budget, you may wish to chat or negotiate about what you're prepared to pay for.

It can be helpful to set exact limits, for example, don't just say you're happy to pay for the dress, but give a top budget of what maximum you will pay.

Rather than specify what you will and won't pay for, some parents opt to simply give a cash donation towards wedding costs, letting the future bride and groom make the decisions about how they will spend it. 

This has the advantage that you know exactly what you're committed to, with no last-minute surprises as the wedding day approaches.

Best wishes for a wonderful, happy day!  

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